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Deep thoughts

TheLastChanceCrone

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2021
Location
Ohio
This is a slightly longer post – been working on this for weeks now. I've been sitting back here, thinking and reading. I felt to post after today's reading with the 5 of Pentacles card / Pangolin came up

Skip if you are not interested in what’s going on in my life regarding my craft, my studio, self-esteem, financial stability, spirituality, medium-ship/reader/guide and my peace of mind.

The information/post is not in-depth, and a lot of details are not here. I ask that before you response with advice ask if I have done something in that thought.
🙂
I really get frustrated with folks partaking in giving advice without understanding my posts are normally the cheat notes.

A LOT of stuff has been done, thought about, journaled about that I am not including here.

First I am so grateful that I have even the ability to reflect, adjust, tweak, see how the new adjustment works, and so forth.

I am extremely grateful that I finally have been honest with myself about my fears of some things, the shadow work that I have done and do daily (it’s like brushing my hair now… needs to be done). I am blessed with so many wonderful tools to help guide me, unlock things, and a couple amazing souls who I can really call upon to help me out when I get myself into a pickle, or just to brainstorm and deepen the work.

I am blessed with space, shelter, food, clean water, fresh towels, warm bed, beloved husband, wonderful in-laws, and amazing daughters with wonderful grandchildren to bring smiles to my face regularly.

I am glad I opened myself and allow myself to really embrace being a house person. I love and need to cook as it is one of the activities that bring me joy. Cleaning the space, making the home cozy, keeping myself honest with clutter reduction and regular purging, all of that is vital for my sanity and peace.

But I do have fears, and one of them keeps raising its chaotic head, and that is I am kidding myself that I am good at crafting (paper/beadwork) where others will purchase from me. I’ve been working out a lot of past trauma about my creativity, art, growing up and the nots.

Before anyone jumps in and says something about my craftwork – reflect for a moment – have you bought any of my items?

Saying something is amazing, or beautiful, and buying when you know that is what I am doing – Are two different things – .

But I also know that if I don’t craft – even if it’s for myself – I miss out on this bliss that I feel every time I get into the zone. And that zone is happening more and more frequently when I stop fretting about selling and just create.

So, this brought me to last week’s big switch. I will continue to craft, and if I get orders – awesome. I will work on techniques, honing style, playing with both my paper and my beadcraft. I will start another purge, since I am starting to see I really do not like some things, don’t want to advance in some techniques and more so, not something I am interested in doing (for example, coloring with pencils/pens – not my thing) But I love dimension, color and using paper to create something else.
I am going to be selling off almost all of the earrings because I am tired of just staring at them. Maybe in a year I can get into a fair, but right now, Covid really has a hold over how and where I go.

The other big hard swallow for me was – while I am great at working for someone else’s business, I suck at my own. The drive just isn’t there. While I know what to do, and get started, it feels like a chore and not a task, not something I get my teeth into as a challenge, or something as cool as my postings. I am still exploring this to see if there is some serious block that has been instilled while I was growing up that prevents me from working for myself – but the truth is, I just don’t have the same drive.

But I can’t work full time. It cuts into housework, craftwork, doing stuff to support the Fox so he can work.

I also have to take frequent breaks, move about otherwise my body gets so stiff that I can’t even walk.

I also need to work from remote (medical and physical reasons). Need to update my resume, figure out what and where I want to apply and let some folks know that I can do 10-15 hours a week tech focus opportunities.

As for my spirituality - it ebbs and flows, almost like a tide or the seasons. The next 3+ months are my strongest but also my weakest energy spaces. I find solace in barren, thunderstorms, snow, the feeling of something magical is happening beneath the ground. I also purge more during this time. I've never been driven to be a full time medium for a living, let alone even a part time one. I like to help one at a time, more intimate, more sage-apprentice or wise-woman-adapt. Recently I have found it even almost a chore to do my daily readings for myself. I am an eclectic almost solitary witch/ techno-mage and craftwitch. I am also just naturally have folks from the other side share with me. But I just don't feel compelled to turn it into a business. But I also see we need more folks to help folks raise their awareness. Being galactic and old/wise just is....

Introverted as all get out unless I am interested in something -then I get extroverted.

Right now I am feeling a bit lost, a bit depressed, reflecting on what may. Manifesting sometimes can be a challenge during these feelings. But I know I can and will be a co-creator for my own destiny with the Universe.

So my plan this week is organizing the office, budget, bills, some financial assistance paperwork, cleaning the second bedroom so it can be used for sewing, embroidery, working on repairing some clothes, and a place for Dan to sit in and read.

And at the same time going through and purging – selling off stuff since I need to raise about 1k for to handle some outstanding issues.

I know I will get through this and come out stronger, wiser, and again healed in many deeper ways, but I also know, I am not getting younger, there are things that now are the way they are, and I need to make my peace and work out how to live with those decisions.

Even wise crones sometimes have very bad days.
 
Last edited:

Mark Ravenheart

Well-known member
Joined
May 28, 2021
Location
U.S.A.
I’ve been working out a lot of past trauma about my creativity, art, growing up and the nots.

But I also know that if I don’t craft – even if it’s for myself – I miss out on this bliss that I feel every time I get into the zone. And that zone is happening more and more frequently when I stop fretting about selling and just create.

The other big hard swallow for me was – while I am great at working for someone else’s business, I suck at my own. The drive just isn’t there
. While I know what to do, and get started, it feels like a chore and not a task, not something I get my teeth into as a challenge, or something as cool as my postings. I am still exploring this to see if there is some serious block that has been instilled while I was growing up that prevents me from working f

or myself – but the truth is, I just don’t have the same drive.

I've never been driven to be a full time medium for a living, let alone even a part time one. I like to help one at a time, more intimate, more sage-apprentice or wise-woman-adapt. Recently I have found it even almost a chore to do my daily readings for myself. I am an eclectic almost solitary witch/ techno-mage and craftwitch. I am also just naturally have folks from the other side share with me. But I just don't feel compelled to turn it into a business.
I am not one to give advice about crafting, business or not, but something did keep coming up in my mind as I read your post, especially the parts that I have underlined.

The thought comes from a third-degree witch that I have a lot of respect for, and her thought was simply this...*"The things closest to your heart will be done on your own".
So as you continue to explore if there may be a block to your art, creativity, etc perhaps it will be beneficial to explore the reasons you are compelled to work with others and don't have the same drive to work on your own *with this thought in mind.

You mentioned trauma and I am no stranger to trauma at all, so I tend to think that you know the answer though it may be buried at the moment. Maybe I am off-target, it would not be the first time, but there is something about the thought of those things closest to your heart being done on your own that seems to hold a lot of truth. If it seems to fit please use it for your betterment and if not then I apologize for wasting your time.

With love from a kindred spirit,
M Ravenheart
 

TheLastChanceCrone

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2021
Location
Ohio
explore the reasons you are compelled to work with others
OH man did you hit a big big area of unexplored trauma and concepts that no longer serve me the way they were intended to serve me. Thank you!

I really really appreciate you taking the time and posting! Your insights did not waste any time at all. I have already 100 variations of the phrase "you need to play well with others to have friends" (be liked, be accepted, be normal ....yadaya etc.)

"The things closest to your heart will be done on your own".

I have something similar but not quite this elegant. Thank you for sharing this.

@Mark Ravenheart -- thank you for your love and support!
 

Tina n

Member
Joined
Mar 10, 2021
Location
Methuen, Massachusetts
This is a slightly longer post – been working on this for weeks now. I've been sitting back here, thinking and reading. I felt to post after today's reading with the 5 of Pentacles card / Pangolin came up

Skip if you are not interested in what’s going on in my life regarding my craft, my studio, self-esteem, financial stability, spirituality, medium-ship/reader/guide and my peace of mind.

The information/post is not in-depth, and a lot of details are not here. I ask that before you response with advice ask if I have done something in that thought.
🙂
I really get frustrated with folks partaking in giving advice without understanding my posts are normally the cheat notes.

A LOT of stuff has been done, thought about, journaled about that I am not including here.

First I am so grateful that I have even the ability to reflect, adjust, tweak, see how the new adjustment works, and so forth.

I am extremely grateful that I finally have been honest with myself about my fears of some things, the shadow work that I have done and do daily (it’s like brushing my hair now… needs to be done). I am blessed with so many wonderful tools to help guide me, unlock things, and a couple amazing souls who I can really call upon to help me out when I get myself into a pickle, or just to brainstorm and deepen the work.

I am blessed with space, shelter, food, clean water, fresh towels, warm bed, beloved husband, wonderful in-laws, and amazing daughters with wonderful grandchildren to bring smiles to my face regularly.

I am glad I opened myself and allow myself to really embrace being a house person. I love and need to cook as it is one of the activities that bring me joy. Cleaning the space, making the home cozy, keeping myself honest with clutter reduction and regular purging, all of that is vital for my sanity and peace.

But I do have fears, and one of them keeps raising its chaotic head, and that is I am kidding myself that I am good at crafting (paper/beadwork) where others will purchase from me. I’ve been working out a lot of past trauma about my creativity, art, growing up and the nots.

Before anyone jumps in and says something about my craftwork – reflect for a moment – have you bought any of my items?

Saying something is amazing, or beautiful, and buying when you know that is what I am doing – Are two different things – .

But I also know that if I don’t craft – even if it’s for myself – I miss out on this bliss that I feel every time I get into the zone. And that zone is happening more and more frequently when I stop fretting about selling and just create.

So, this brought me to last week’s big switch. I will continue to craft, and if I get orders – awesome. I will work on techniques, honing style, playing with both my paper and my beadcraft. I will start another purge, since I am starting to see I really do not like some things, don’t want to advance in some techniques and more so, not something I am interested in doing (for example, coloring with pencils/pens – not my thing) But I love dimension, color and using paper to create something else.
I am going to be selling off almost all of the earrings because I am tired of just staring at them. Maybe in a year I can get into a fair, but right now, Covid really has a hold over how and where I go.

The other big hard swallow for me was – while I am great at working for someone else’s business, I suck at my own. The drive just isn’t there. While I know what to do, and get started, it feels like a chore and not a task, not something I get my teeth into as a challenge, or something as cool as my postings. I am still exploring this to see if there is some serious block that has been instilled while I was growing up that prevents me from working for myself – but the truth is, I just don’t have the same drive.

But I can’t work full time. It cuts into housework, craftwork, doing stuff to support the Fox so he can work.

I also have to take frequent breaks, move about otherwise my body gets so stiff that I can’t even walk.

I also need to work from remote (medical and physical reasons). Need to update my resume, figure out what and where I want to apply and let some folks know that I can do 10-15 hours a week tech focus opportunities.

As for my spirituality - it ebbs and flows, almost like a tide or the seasons. The next 3+ months are my strongest but also my weakest energy spaces. I find solace in barren, thunderstorms, snow, the feeling of something magical is happening beneath the ground. I also purge more during this time. I've never been driven to be a full time medium for a living, let alone even a part time one. I like to help one at a time, more intimate, more sage-apprentice or wise-woman-adapt. Recently I have found it even almost a chore to do my daily readings for myself. I am an eclectic almost solitary witch/ techno-mage and craftwitch. I am also just naturally have folks from the other side share with me. But I just don't feel compelled to turn it into a business. But I also see we need more folks to help folks raise their awareness. Being galactic and old/wise just is....

Introverted as all get out unless I am interested in something -then I get extroverted.

Right now I am feeling a bit lost, a bit depressed, reflecting on what may. Manifesting sometimes can be a challenge during these feelings. But I know I can and will be a co-creator for my own destiny with the Universe.

So my plan this week is organizing the office, budget, bills, some financial assistance paperwork, cleaning the second bedroom so it can be used for sewing, embroidery, working on repairing some clothes, and a place for Dan to sit in and read.

And at the same time going through and purging – selling off stuff since I need to raise about 1k for to handle some outstanding issues.

I know I will get through this and come out stronger, wiser, and again healed in many deeper ways, but I also know, I am not getting younger, there are things that now are the way they are, and I need to make my peace and work out how to live with those decisions.

Even wise crones sometimes have very bad days.
Oh my stars! I too, am a solitary crone with a lot of what you just described, going on. I love making my suncatchers/windchimes and do so with love ,but when it comes down to selling them ...???? My daughter brought up a good point that to sell I would have to make ones that people want (eg red white n blue for 4th etc) but as you said then it becomes a chore not something I would do for myself or something I love ! It would be great to be able to sell a few as I only have so many windows lol, but being a virgo can be a real pain for self esteem... but it's something I've been working on ! Much love and peace to you last chance crone xxoo , tina aka, gypsynana
 

Tina n

Member
Joined
Mar 10, 2021
Location
Methuen, Massachusetts
I am not one to give advice about crafting, business or not, but something did keep coming up in my mind as I read your post, especially the parts that I have underlined.

The thought comes from a third-degree witch that I have a lot of respect for, and her thought was simply this...*"The things closest to your heart will be done on your own".
So as you continue to explore if there may be a block to your art, creativity, etc perhaps it will be beneficial to explore the reasons you are compelled to work with others and don't have the same drive to work on your own *with this thought in mind.

You mentioned trauma and I am no stranger to trauma at all, so I tend to think that you know the answer though it may be buried at the moment. Maybe I am off-target, it would not be the first time, but there is something about the thought of those things closest to your heart being done on your own that seems to hold a lot of truth. If it seems to fit please use it for your betterment and if not then I apologize for wasting your time.

With love from a kindred spirit,
M Ravenheart
I love that quote , Mark it is so true !
 

Tina n

Member
Joined
Mar 10, 2021
Location
Methuen, Massachusetts
Ohhhh I love suncatchers and wind chimes -- I used to have 40 at the old house. The wind here is a bit strong to have them on the veranda but I am figuring out how to have them in the house. Do you have pics?!
I do , I just finished a 3 strand Christmas one for my littles complete with silver bells on the ends! Lol I sent one to Bernadette that she showed during a live (sheepish grin)that was unexpected,it was just my way of showing appreciation for all she has done to get “me” back..I also love the winter and especially the fog ! Magical it is !
 
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